I have thought so many times about writing in this here bloggeroo thingy. I just haven't done it. Do I have my reasons. SURE! Do they make sense? To me they do! Are they just excuses? Most likely.
I've been through a lot of changes lately. The major one was actually quitting Shoppers Drug Mart. It was a terrifying experience. I had no idea if I was making the right choice (which I had), or if I'd still be able to support my son and I (which I am), or if I would find another place of employment with benefits, a great work environment, and a sense of security. And I did. Prayers were offered a plenty and I absolutely had to follow the promptings of the Spirit without question.
The other changes were really just adapting to being alone a lot more often. Declan has been with his father a lot the last couple of months, as well as starting kindergarten, and that has SERIOUSLY cut into my time with him. It's been a very hard adjustment and I haven't let Declan know. But he's let me know. He's been very perceptive to anything to anything that is off lately, and the fact that we just aren't together much anymore.
Turns out it's affecting him at school. He's showing signs of OCD and anxiety. My little man has to deal with a lot, and I feel terrible because I can't change it of fix it for him. I just have to keep teaching him to be strong and to man up. and I really hate being the one to teach him that life is hard...and I can't let him live in the land of childhood fantasy.
Other changes have been well...minimal. I bought new furniture, new kitchen appliances, started going out more with the ladies...went on a couple dates (both absolute fails), been kissed and frankly may I say that it was NOT what I remember kissing was supposed to feel like or be like.
I've learned how to control my temper and that being frustrated is ok. I've learned that my prayers are heard. Some have been answered very quickly and some well...some are still probably on my lips waiting to be uttered.
I know change is a good thing. Sometimes it's a shock at how quickly it happens and how heartbreaking it
can be. I also know that all the changes I've been in since 2008 have been all for the better. Every moment I felt like I'd never get over it, every moment I succeeded and celebrated, every failure, every win or loss, I learned something. I got stronger, and so did my son! We learned together. We grew together, but we never lost "us".
What I will say is that I am praying that my sons Christmas wish for me comes true, and that 2012 is MY year. Say a prayer for me! They are heard and answered!
Claudine ~ OUT
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